shatterverse | (no subject)

"I need to know if it's going to be a problem," Sokka says quietly, sliding a hand into hers to link their fingers, head ducked to find her eyes. "Dean doesn't think she'll come, but if she does..."

"I don't like her," Steph admits, "but you knew that. And I don't think she likes me."

This isn't really an answer.

Sokka squeezes her hand.

"That's not what I asked."

Steph squirms a little, feeling slightly like a naughty kid in school.

"... I don't plan to pick a fight with her. Ever. Because I don't know what she'd do. I just ... don't like the idea of her being around" Sokka "the babies."

"The girls?" Sokka straightens and looks at her, worried. "Why? Was there something else that happened, besides the zombie thing?"

Nooo bring back the cuddles D:

"No, but that's enough for me not to trust her." Steph scowls, drawing her knees up to hug them herself. "She kills people."

"She killed people that killed people, she didn't kill helpless children," Sokka points out. He's calming down, but there's still the worry on his face, just at the idea of someone trying to hurt his nieces. "It's not the same, Steph."

"Yeah, I know."

She does. Rachel might be violent and a killer but Steph's sure she does it for a reason.

"I just ... I don't know. I'm sure the babies'll be fine. I just ... I don't trust her."

Sokka pauses - his arm is still around her, still holding her close and protective. "I think... it might be a good idea if we talk about this more. I know what Batman taught you, but if you get like this over what she did, I can't say that I'm not the same kind of person, Steph."

"You're not," Steph says, looking up at him and frowning. "You're not. Don't say that."

"Why don't you like her?" Sokka continues, looking at her seriously. His arm stays around her, protective, yes, but possessive, too. He wants her to think about this but he wants her, too. "Because she killed humans? Magog aren't that different, Steph, they were monsters, but they were sentient monsters."

Steph leans into his side, watching flecks of dust dance in the afternoon sunlight.

"I know you, though." She's frowning. "I know it's different for you."

Sokka swallows hard, laces his fingers with her and drops his gaze to the floor.

"...you mean a lot to me," he says quietly. "A lot. And... I wanna mean that much to you. And I can't if part of the reason why I mean anything to you is because you pretend that a part of me doesn't exist.

"It's there, Steph. I've killed before and I can't promise I won't do it again."

Edited 2008-10-05 07:30 (UTC)

Steph looks at him, dismayed.

"It isn't that -- it isn't," she promises, sitting up, looking at him anxiously. "I'm not -- pretending it doesn't exist, I promise. I -- I know you have, and I know why. I just --"

She trails off, swallowing.

"I just don't understand."

Quiet for a long moment, Sokka leans his head gently against hers.

"...do you want me to tell the whole story?"

"No," Steph says, and then shakes her head to contradict that. "Yes, if you want to tell it. But I know you don't like talking, you don't have to tell me anything, Socks."

"I don't want you lying to yourself just to be with me," Sokka argues, looking at her worriedly. "This isn't something I do for kicks, I want it to mean something.

"If you want to know, if it'll help you know me, I wanna tell you."

"You do mean something," Steph says, squeezing his hands tight, eyes wide and earnest. "More than anything. You mean everything to me, Sokka. That's -- that's what confuses me.

"How can you be so -- so good, so right down to your bones good? When you've killed people? I just -- everything I know, everything I learned, every instinct trained into me says you shouldn't be able to be so -- so amazing. You killed people and you should be -- I don't know, damaged, broken, bad. But you're not and I just -- I can't make it work in my head, what I know is right and what's in front of me, what I want to think and what I do think sometimes, what I want to do -- I just don't understand."

Edited 2008-10-05 14:39 (UTC)

Sokka meets her gaze, listening closely. When she's finished, he squeezes her hands back, considering.

"...you've never really... been in a war, have you? I mean, battles, yeah, big ones, but not really a war."

Steph shakes her head, eyes on him.

Sokka nods, not surprised. "Yeah... it's different. It's all about numbers, who has the most. And if you don't have the most... you have to find ways to tip the scales. Otherwise, you just get overpowered."

He hesitates for a moment and shakes his head, gaze down. "I'm simplifying this too much. If we don't fight to kill... then the Fire Nation annihilates our village, burns it to the ground and leaves our people burning bare on the ice. If we don't fight to kill, the Magog take over, lay their eggs in everyone's stomach - almost in mine, once - and then the Magog in the eggs hatch and eat their way out of the live person.

"If we don't fight to kill, they use numbers to kill us first."

Steph swallows, listening, hands wrapped around his and holding tight. Tighter, at the mention of his own brush with death.

"I guess Batman would say there's always another way..." she says very softly, "but ... I just don't know what it is."

Sokka shakes his head, frowning at her. "How easy was it for us to break out of that prison, Steph? When it comes to numbers, there's no simple way to beat them other than to make them smaller. Maybe it should be different... and maybe people shouldn't be killing for selfish reasons in the first place."

"Yes -- that," Steph says, angry and stressed -- she's still struggling with trying to change the tenets she's clung to for so long.

It isn't going to be easy.

But if there's Sokka on one side, and Batman's rules on the other ... she still wants the side with Sokka on it.

"I should, I don't know. I should talk to Dinah. It's just -- we don't kill, that's the whole thing, we just -- don't. And it made so much sense in Gotham. But now ..."

"But now it's different," Sokka finishes, softly. He nods and sighs, arm secure around her. "Talk to Dinah, talk to Babs, talk to... to whoever you want. I'm not saying you have to change, Steph, I'm not going to be mad at you for choosing not to kill. I just don't want you pretending I'm something else."