shatterverse | (no subject)

"You do mean something," Steph says, squeezing his hands tight, eyes wide and earnest. "More than anything. You mean everything to me, Sokka. That's -- that's what confuses me.

"How can you be so -- so good, so right down to your bones good? When you've killed people? I just -- everything I know, everything I learned, every instinct trained into me says you shouldn't be able to be so -- so amazing. You killed people and you should be -- I don't know, damaged, broken, bad. But you're not and I just -- I can't make it work in my head, what I know is right and what's in front of me, what I want to think and what I do think sometimes, what I want to do -- I just don't understand."

Edited 2008-10-05 14:39 (UTC)

Sokka meets her gaze, listening closely. When she's finished, he squeezes her hands back, considering.

"...you've never really... been in a war, have you? I mean, battles, yeah, big ones, but not really a war."

Steph shakes her head, eyes on him.

Sokka nods, not surprised. "Yeah... it's different. It's all about numbers, who has the most. And if you don't have the most... you have to find ways to tip the scales. Otherwise, you just get overpowered."

He hesitates for a moment and shakes his head, gaze down. "I'm simplifying this too much. If we don't fight to kill... then the Fire Nation annihilates our village, burns it to the ground and leaves our people burning bare on the ice. If we don't fight to kill, the Magog take over, lay their eggs in everyone's stomach - almost in mine, once - and then the Magog in the eggs hatch and eat their way out of the live person.

"If we don't fight to kill, they use numbers to kill us first."

Steph swallows, listening, hands wrapped around his and holding tight. Tighter, at the mention of his own brush with death.

"I guess Batman would say there's always another way..." she says very softly, "but ... I just don't know what it is."

Sokka shakes his head, frowning at her. "How easy was it for us to break out of that prison, Steph? When it comes to numbers, there's no simple way to beat them other than to make them smaller. Maybe it should be different... and maybe people shouldn't be killing for selfish reasons in the first place."

"Yes -- that," Steph says, angry and stressed -- she's still struggling with trying to change the tenets she's clung to for so long.

It isn't going to be easy.

But if there's Sokka on one side, and Batman's rules on the other ... she still wants the side with Sokka on it.

"I should, I don't know. I should talk to Dinah. It's just -- we don't kill, that's the whole thing, we just -- don't. And it made so much sense in Gotham. But now ..."

"But now it's different," Sokka finishes, softly. He nods and sighs, arm secure around her. "Talk to Dinah, talk to Babs, talk to... to whoever you want. I'm not saying you have to change, Steph, I'm not going to be mad at you for choosing not to kill. I just don't want you pretending I'm something else."

"I'm not," Steph promises him, sliding her own arm around his waist and leaning against him. "I've just been avoiding thinking about it. But I -- care -- lots about you. Lots and lots and lots and you're not going to freak out or anything if I tell you I think I'm in love with you? Because I am. And I need to sort this all out in my head so I can stay that way."

Sokka blinks.

And smiles.

"Dunno. Are you going to freak out because I'm in love with you, too? I wanna be who you want me to be, just... I don't think I'm wrong about this."

"You never think you're wrong about anything," Steph reminds him, but she's grinning, head ducked so he can't see just how widely. Because otherwise he might go blind from the brilliance of it.

"I don't want you to be anyone 'cept who you are. Who you are is the best thing that ever happened to me. So I need to figure out why I care so much 'bout what Batman said years ago."

"Because it's important?" Sokka suggests, grinning because she's grinning - because she loves him and it doesn't freak her out or anything and that's amazing.

"...you're one of the best things to happen to me, too."

"I know," Steph says, lifting her chin to kiss his neck. "Because if you didn't have me, nobody would ever insult you half as much as you deserve."

"... I know it's important, I just ... wanna know why."

Sokka dips his head to kiss her back, squeezing her waist gently. "Okay... let me know if you need anything. Anything." He pauses for a moment, resting his head against her hair. "...do you want me to ask Dean to leave his friends out fo it?"

"No." She tucks her hands inside his shirt. "No, 'cos it's my problem, not theirs, and if they can help get Katara back then I want everyone helping."

He gets an 'are-you-crazy?' look for even suggesting it.

She gets squirming because her hands are in his shirt and what did she expect, really? "Are you sure?"

"Am I sure I don't want to compromise your chances of getting your sister back because I'm having issues with being a good Batkid?"

It's warmer in there, that's all. Also she can pinch.

"Yes. Dork."

Sure, she can pinch. But that means Sokka can bite - on her jaw. "Meeting someone new doesn't mean forgetting everything you grew up with," he points out.

--and frowns.

"...ignore the hypocrisy of that, okay?"

Mmm, biting.

Steph hugs him a bit tighter, and slips sideways until she's lying with her head in his lap to look up at him.

"What if the new way is better? And you don't want it to be, so you try really hard not to let it be, but it makes a frightening amount of sense?"

Sokka has to stay silent and stroke her hair for a bit until that question makes sense in his head.

"...I don't want to be something that frightens you," he says eventually, wriggling until she can rest comfortably in his lap. "I just want to make sense."

"You might be the only thing that does any more," Steph mumbles, smiling for his fingers in her hair. "'S why I hang around you. Big things are too confusing."

"That's why I seem stupid," Sokka replies, nodding solemnly, dark fingers in blonde hair. "I just want to make you feel better. You'd be way too overwhelmed if I let you see how awesome I really am."

"Oh, I dunno, you're pretty overwhelmingly awesome just as it is," Steph tells him, grinning. "I just don't tell you cos it'd make your head explode.

"....'nks."

"That's what I said, any more awesome would make you explode." Sokka leans down to kiss her, smiling slightly. "Welcome."

"You can make me explode any time you like, wonder boy," she murmurs, grinning into his lips.

"And it won't be a problem. She won't, I mean. Promise."