shatterverse | (no subject)

Tobias was flying not far from her shoulder, he knew what she was thinking.

<Detroit's a long way,> he said calmly. <We need... I don't know, information or something.> Something more than "here be monsters".

"Yeah."

Sadly, neither of them were the planners of the team. Rachel is thinking of exactly that as she drags fingers roughly through her hair. "We can... we can go scope it out first. See what's there. If it's a trick or something."

<It sounds like a trap to me.> Tobias doesn't like walking into traps without backup. Or at least without telling someone first.

Someone like who?

Rachel scoffs a little at his response, shaking her head with her eyes on the ground in front of her feet. "Yeah, well, that's probably because it is a trap. That's way too much coincidence. All that crap and then poof," literally, "she's back to normal, all that information she gave us..."

She shakes her head and scowls a little more, like the dirt she's walking on could give her an answer.

Tobias shrugs slightly without interrupting his flight path.

He doesn't suggest anyone to talk to though. He only really knows people Rachel's introduced him to, and... Well, he and Dean certainly don't get along.

Rachel wouldn't have trusted Dean even before she broke her fingers on his face.

And Jo's in no position to deal with this bullshit.

And Gymnast Guy is off doing gymnast things and saving kittens or something.

And Lucy... Lucy is great but she's not exactly the leadery type.

Reaching their building, Rachel goes inside and slams the door behind her.

(luckily, they keep the window open for precisely this reason)

Tobias swoops around with barely a second thought. He's become so used to her slamming the door that it almost doesn't register.

<There's got to be someone around here we could talk to about this.> And Rachel's been here longer, so she should know who they are.

Since she's snorting and falling to pacing the small room, it doesn't look like his assumptions are correct so far. "Like who?" she demands, sharp but quiet - for now. "I haven't noticed a lot of people wearing authority buttons to go with their trust-me nametags, Tobias."

He settles onto a perch and ruffles out his feathers slightly. <We don't do anyone any good if we run off to check it out and get killed.>

His eyes lock unblinkingly onto Rachel. <It's not like back home. We don't have to do everything on our own.> And if they did he was afraid it would get her killed. Again.

Her eyes narrow on him - for everything he says, but most of all for the reminder. She knows it's not like it was, she's painfully aware of it.

"If you haven't noticed, there aren't any police around either. Not any you'd actually want to trust, anyway. No president, no army, no school principal, so I don't know what you're looking for me to say."

<You've been here longer than I have. You've got have run into someone who could help. Or at least who should know.> He's not trying tou sound accusatory, but...

He ruffles out his feathers again. <What about Jo?>

...but he is. "I've run into people who fight and collect information, that doesn't mean I know people who can help," Rachel snaps back, immediately defensive. This isn't home, it's not the situation they were in, but the concept of trust and safety runs deep for all of them.

As for Jo, Rachel sets her jaw and shakes her head. "No. Not right now."

Tobias sits silently for a moment.

<Then we just go off alone into a trap the size of a city?> He's genuinely asking, and most people wouldn't catch just how bad an idea he thinks it is from his tone.

Most people haven't known him as long or as well as the person he's talking to. Her eyes narrow into a blue-slivered glare and she stops pacing long enough to look at him with her hands settled on her hips.

"Well, we could do nothing like you apparently want to, but I figured it might be nice if we saved another city or two from becoming a giant flesh castle."

<That's not what I mean and you know it!> he snaps accusingly.

"No, actually, I don't!" she snaps back, just as angry and accusing. "Every time we go into something, Tobias, every time, you start in on me about this place not being like home, about things being different, about how we could really get hurt here. Yeah, I know, it hasn't escaped my notice, all right?!

"But I'm not going to stop fighting just because Jake isn't here!"

<I never asked you to!> he snaps back. <But since Jake's not here someone has to make sure you don't run off and get yourself killed!>

He knows it's precisely the wrong thing to say about halfway through, but he's too worked up to care right now.

"News flash: I didn't get killed until Jake ordered it!"

Further developments in getting too worked up.

<But you would have!> Tobias snaps right back. <Dozens of times!>

"We all would have!" Rachel barks, red-faced with fury. "Don't you dare talk to me like you haven't done your own share of running in stupid and blind!"

If he weren't so angry Tobias would think before he speaks, but as it is...

<Name one time! One time!>

"The Hork Bajir!"

There's one, even if Rachel had been with him and encouraging at the time.

"Aria!"

And another.

"Taylor!"

Even if her voice cracks on that name and her hands clench in fury at the memory.

And if she weren't so angry, Rachel might choose her words carefully, but he's a step away from calling her insane to her face and she spits out acidly

"The Yeerk Pool, the first time!"

Tobias twitches as if he's been slapped and whatever angry retort he was preparing to unleash is left unsaid.

Did she really...?

...

Really?

At least as a hawk his face couldn't express emotional pain very well, so she wouldn't know...

But she can guess.

Still shaking with anger, Rachel shakes her head as he goes silent. "So don't you dare go on about how crazy I am, a monster, how reckless, whatever," she snaps, glaring at him. "Maybe I don't agree with everything you've done but that's the first time I have ever thrown it in your face!"

He still doesn't say anything. Not for a long moment.

<I may not like what you do sometimes, or how you do it,> Tobias eventually says quietly. <&But I've never questioned who you are.> And never said it was a mistake for her to be who she wanted.

She shakes her head, worked up and not about to come down. "Yes, you have. You do it every time you try and lecture me or ask me not to go or wait and take orders from someone else. What I do and how I do it is who I am, Tobias."

<No it's not!> Tobias snaps angrily.

<Who you are is beautiful and brave and strong and, yes, a bit reckless. But not suicidal!>

Tobias sure knows how to give a compliment.

"God-"

It's an exclamation, exasperated and angry, and Rachel throws her hands up to link at the back of her head, letting out a shout of fury at the ceiling. "I'm not suicidal! I've never been suicidal! Just because I do what has to be done doesn't mean I want to die, you think I was happy to sit on Tom, that I hoped he'd go south on us?!

"You beg me not to question who you are all the time and the first time I ever do it, you throw this crap in my face! Do it all you want, I'm used to it, I've been getting it from everyone since that first day in the construction site! But I'm not crazy, I'm not suicidal, I'm just me!"

<You don't even want to consider another options before charging off alone to Detroit where they totally expect us!> he explodes. <That's the definition of suicidal!>

No it isn't, but being rational doesn't win arguments.

"Am I packing?!" Rachel shouts, throwing an arm back to take in their meager belongings. "Am I on the street already?! Just because I refuse to consider not going doesn't mean I'm ready to go alone! You're just pissed I didn't find a leader to give me orders and direction before you showed up! Sorry if that wasn't at the top of my priority list!"

<Oh, so it's all my fault now, is it?>

The question takes her off guard but his tone keeps her angry enough to snap in reply. "No one ever said anything about my needing a leader until you showed up! I was helping people long before you got here, without getting myself killed!"

Tobias' tone becomes low and dangerous (and dangerously hurt). <So you'd be better off if I'd never showed up, is that it?>

"God, no!" Her head tips back and she glares at the ceiling again, turns to pace and then turns back around again to glare at him. Restless and confused and uncomfortable for all of it.

"I love you, you big idiot, I want you here I just want you to quit acting like I'm going to jump on another suicide mission!"

Tobias' anger evaporates instantaneously. When he speaks again it's completely calm and his tone is thick with bottled-up emotion. <Then what are you about to do?> Because he loves her too, and he lost her once, and she doesn't really understand what it did to him.

He hopes she never does.

Rachel stares at him, jaw dropped slightly.

She doesn't look any less angry.

"I'm about to sit here and think about it, what the hell did you think?!"

If a hawk could look taken back, Tobias would. Because this is new. He's not used to Rachel suggesting that they sit and think. Especially when there's a known threat and a known location.

<Then where do we start?>

Her arms are thrown up in the air and Rachel rolls her eyes at him. "How should I know?! I had one stint as a leader that sucked and never did it again! I haven't done this before!"

She's never gone after something this big before by herself. Before Tobias came, the sort of work she did was small, one-shot jobs, even with Jo along with her.

<That's one more stint than I had,> Tobias points out a bit ruefully.

Rachel opens her mouth - and closes it, shaking her head and turning away from him.

It's one more stint than she should have had.

"Look, do whatever you want," she snaps finally, quieter and delivered over her shoulder. "I don't care so long as we go. But I don't know anybody that can lead a team for us."

Tobias sits silently for a while, thinking.

<I don't know that we need a leader, exactly. But someone should know what we're doing so that if things go wrong and we don't come back. So that they can find someone else to go look.> It wasn't like back during the war. If they lost it wasn't all over.

Rachel's still frowning with her back to him but-- she likes the new phrasing more.

A lot more.

"...fine. I'll tell Jo."

If anyone could take over where she and Tobias left off, with an even bigger and more organized team, Jo would be the one to set it up.

The signs of a bird relaxing aren't the same as those of a human doing so, but Rachel probably knows them well enough by now.

<Good. Because I think there are some ways this is the same as back home: we can't lose. Not if we want humanity to survive.>

"Fine."

Rachel knows he's relaxing, he's calm now, he's fine.

She's still thrumming with-- with-- something.

"I'll do it now," she says, because she needs to move and do something right this second and she needs to do it away from Tobias. It seems like every time they talk lately, it turns into a fight.

He's the only fight she'll actively try to avoid.

He bobs his head. Tobias can sense how tightly wound she still is, and it hurts. He wants to do something to help her, to make it better, to unsay some of the things he's said.

But all he can do is stay away from her, and that knowledge hurts.

He doesn't let her see that, though. It would only make things harder.

<I'll be here,> is all he says.

The door slams shortly after.

Rachel assumes the open window won't be used.

It's not.

As much as it hurts, it's not.