http://cutest-copilot.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] cutest-copilot.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] shatterverse2009-02-21 08:36 am

(no subject)

There is a little robot hanging around the Cooper farm.

No. No, not that one. That is a big robot.

This one's about the size, shape, and colour of a basketball. It's adorable as all hell and would be delighted to make your acquaintance.

Today, it is making its first foray into the Cooper house. People seem to congregate in the kitchen, so it hops up onto the table and swivels back to face the door.

Please do not mistake it for food.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-21 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)
"Sure I'm okay."

Convincing Steve is... not so convincing. But definitely not rejecting the hand, because he could use all the comfort he can get right now.

"Look," nodding towards Ditto to avoid looking at Neil, "there it goes."

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-21 08:43 pm (UTC)(link)
"So I see."

He raises his visible eyebrow at Ditto.

"And don't do that again, okay? C'mon," this to Steve, "let's get out of its way before it gets the bright idea of turning into me."

With Haro resting against his hip, he steers Steve gently out towards the bunker and Dynames.

[identity profile] copyblob.livejournal.com 2009-02-21 08:48 pm (UTC)(link)
"Toooooo," says Ditto, puddling sulkily.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-21 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Steve would reinforce his claim to being okay, but

(he isn't, and he doesn't know if he's ever going to be, because Gabriel is dead and Steve knew that something like this was going to happen and he still didn't manage to stop it and even if he finished the cyborg research he still wouldn't be able to bring him back and)

he can't quite muster the enthusiasm. He just lets Neil propel him outside, concentrating on staying outwardly calm.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-21 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
He stops when they're in Dynames' shadow. Haro bounces away towards the cockpit. The bright white glow on top of the mech's head is possibly dozing and certainly out of earshot.

At least for a conversation as quiet as the one Neil is planning.

"Now, I'd say look me in the eye and tell me you're fine, but I don't like encouraging dishonesty in my friends."

He's still got his left hand on Steve's shoulder. Now he brings the other one up to match.

"God knows it's probably not any of my business, but I do care, Steve. If you ever need somebody to talk to..."

Neil would be glad to assume the wildly inappropriate in context role of big brother here!

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-22 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
Steve's attempt to stay presentable is increasingly a losing battle, and he's still not looking at Neil because he doesn't want Neil to see the miserable look on his face.

But he's torn. Because as much as he doesn't want to stand here and unload all his woes on a guy he only met a week ago, he also wants someone -- that guy -- someone to hold him and tell him that it's all right and it's not his fault and it's all right.

His face has always been an open book; right now it's the denouement of a Shakespearean tragedy.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-22 03:45 am (UTC)(link)
"I know what it's like to lose somebody," he says softly. "It hurts, but it'll get better."

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-22 03:51 am (UTC)(link)
--oh.

--so he knows.

--oh.

He draws in a careful, uneven breath, determined that speech won't lead to crying (because he's crying too much at the moment, interspersed with numbness, interspersed with undirected shaking rage), and asks the ground:

"Val told you?"

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-22 03:53 am (UTC)(link)
"Yeah."

His gloved fingers curl around Steve's shoulders in something that would be a hug if he had a little less respect for personal space.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Steve really wouldn't resent Neil at all for disrespecting his personal space; he's lost and he's scared and he's upset and he misses Gabriel and he's mad at Gabriel for going away and dying and he's ashamed of himself for being mad. In accordance with all this, his fluffy, dejected body language is more or less shouting I could use a hug.



"I shouldn't--"

That sentence was going to end in something like drag you into this, but here come those tears we knew were coming. Oops?

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
"Hey. Hey."

This? This is a hug. Complete with a hand coming up to wipe away those tears with gentle fingertips. The gloves make the gesture a little less personal, but not much.

"It's okay, Steve. You're gonna be okay. I promise."

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Steve, who has never been the best at hiding his emotions, clings to Neil in shame and sorrow and gratitude.

"Why the -- fuck did he have t-to go?" This time, rather than the ground, Neil's shoulder has the honour of Steve's intimate address. "Why the fuck did he h-- hh--"

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Soft: "I don't know."

And it doesn't really matter that much anymore.

What matters to Neil at the moment is Steve's well-being. Which means hugs. A lot of hugs.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 11:24 pm (UTC)(link)
There are no words.

There is only clinging.

It takes no prompting whatsoever to take Steve back to the basement under the ruined house, with a far smaller Spots burbling in the sink and Gabriel on the--

--He wrenches himself out of it, because now that memory hurts.

Or in the kitchen of the Cooper farm, with the conversation turning from normal to awkward to unexpectedly, blissfully--

Or in the bunker, shouting--

Or--

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 11:27 pm (UTC)(link)
He doesn't speak, just wraps his arms around Steve's shoulders and holds him.

Sometimes, that's what you need.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 11:53 pm (UTC)(link)
In this instance, short of Gabriel rising from the dead, it is exactly what Steve needs.

Eventually, the shaking of his body quietens as he brings his crying under control. Gradually, he stills.

But he still doesn't let go of Neil.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-23 11:55 pm (UTC)(link)
A hand rubs up and down Steve's back, gentle as anything.

If you asked Neil what he was thinking right now--



If you asked Neil what he was thinking right now and then prevented him lying about it, he'd say he wished he'd had somebody to do this for him when his parents died.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 01:20 pm (UTC)(link)
No-one should be forced to grieve alone.

Steve still doesn't let go, because he doesn't want to, because he feels safer this way. By a little, which is a lot better than by nothing.


And he feels the need to say, in a whisper: "Thanks."

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 01:28 pm (UTC)(link)
"Anytime, man."

He ruffles Steve's hair. There's something about the motion perhaps a fraction less brotherly than the rest of this little interlude.

"Anytime."

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 01:38 pm (UTC)(link)
A rather large part of Steve doesn't want it to be brotherly.

The rest of Steve leaps on that part and berates it, and it blinks and backs down, but it doesn't go away.

Suddenly self-conscious, Steve breaks the hug at last, reluctant and staring into Neil's face.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Neil meets Steve's eyes, one hand still resting on his shoulder, the other falling away.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 01:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Steve's gaze, after a searching, desperate couple of seconds, falls away as well.

"I just..."

...no, even he doesn't know how he was planning on finishing that sentence.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
He squeezes Steve's shoulder gently.

That's all.

[identity profile] eureka-bell.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 02:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay.

That's.

Okay.

"Thanks," says Steve again. And he stops himself from re-initiating the hug, because he's already being overfamiliar and Neil probably has better things to do and he wants to see where it might go and he doesn't want to see where it might go and there's guilt in his face all over again.

[identity profile] neraiutsu.livejournal.com 2009-02-24 02:25 pm (UTC)(link)
...Good God, this man is an open book.

A heartbreakingly familiar open book, in at least some respects.

Neil tells himself that Steve is not his fourteen-year-old self, and that given certain other aspects of this situation that train of thought is unutterably weird, and then he closes his eye and gives Steve another quick one-armed hug.

This time, if you asked him what he was thinking, he wouldn't have an answer at all.